The Offer Still Stands...

[7wildwaysup]

Title: The Offer Still Stands…
Story Type: AU
Word Count: 3543
Rating: R, Porn…
Warnings: Anti-Michael, Passion and Lust…
Beta Queen:  bigj52
Banner: galehot
Challenge: The Evil Kinney Girls Birthday challenge for pam81
Summary:  Brian contemplates his life without Justin….

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…


The Offer Still Stands

Michael’s POV

Michael wakes from a restless sleep; he hasn’t been able to sleep well since he and Brian had their blowout fight, severing all pretense of their friendship. He hates that Brian has called him on all his bullshit and that he really has turned into a Stepford wife. He’s angry that he never got a chance with Brian; yes, he loves Ben but he’ll never love him the way he does Brian. He can’t help it but he still holds some hope for a meaningful lasting relationship. Maybe later when Brian has finally grown up and Ben’s, well, Ben’s no longer here. He truly believes that Brian will be ready then and realize that he’s always been in love with him.

He can’t help the scenario that keeps playing out in his head. He’s memorized this situation so many times in such detail for so long, it’s like it’s his destiny. He hates that Justin slipped in under the wire but now that Justin’s staying with them while he’s looking for a place of his own, he thinks that maybe this time he can help keep them apart. That Justin has finally had enough and he’s ready to let Brian go, finally realizing that Brian is no good for him and that he’ll never change. That brings a smile to Michael’s face as he daydreams about a future he’ll never have.

Justin’s POV

Justin’s also restless. He isn’t used to sleeping alone and the thought of bringing home a trick just shakes him to his core. He knows what he wants and he just kicks himself for pushing Brian too hard. After all, he knows who Brian is and it’s not like he really wanted a relationship like Ben and Michael’s. No, that almost makes him sick, seeing how they seem to have molded themselves into some kind of suburban hetero lifestyle, talking about flower bulbs and speed bumps.

All he ever wanted was for Brian to show him some kind of commitment, letting him know that he’s special and not like all the other tricks. But now that he’s lying here alone in a strange bed, he realizes that Brian did try and show him how much he loved him. After all, he asked him to move back in with him and he knows how hard that was for him, but of course he had already decided to go to California and try his hand in the movies. It brings tears to his eyes, knowing that Brian was finally ready to really try, and he just shot him down and left town.

He should have realized how much that would damage Brian. It’s so hard for him to show his affection and then he turned Brian down for a job offer, one that didn’t pan out after all. He should have known better than to think that he could just move back here and pick up where they left off. He could see the fear in Brian’s eyes when he asked him, just for that slight moment before his shield was firmly back in place. He acted like it didn’t mean anything at all once he told him about Brett’s offer. Brian acted like he’d just asked him to dinner and he had already eaten.

No big deal and he even encouraged Justin to go. ‘Chance of a lifetime’, he recalls Brian saying. Promising him that they’d still be friends, and that’s what he came back to… Friends… He didn’t realize that he was going to have to work so hard to regain Brian’s trust. This wasn’t the first time he had walked out on Brian just as he was starting to open up his feelings to him. He feels like such a fool now looking back on it. How could he not have seen that Brian was changing and he really needed him? After all, he was still recovering from his cancer scare and he’d also had a broken collarbone.

Now he feels so all alone and every time he sees Brian at the diner or walking down the street he can’t help but wish that things had played out differently, that he hadn’t pushed so hard. Maybe if he had just let them grow back together over time instead of acting like a jealous schoolgirl. He knew that all those tricks didn’t mean anything. With his foolish pride he thought he could have it all without having to pay his dues. He slowly drifts off to sleep thinking about how stupid he’d been acting and wondering how his future will turn out.

Brian’s POV

He sits in the dark drinking several fingers of Jack Daniels, looking at the clock. It’s almost three o’clock in the morning and he can’t help imagining Justin coming through the door just under the wire. He wonders who he’s sleeping with tonight; if he’s already searching for Mr. Perfect who’s attentive and romantic and knows just the right things to say to make Justin smile that bright sunshine smile. He remembers how he used to be able to light up his face with the smallest of gestures. It seemed so simple then because Justin didn’t expect anything from him but now it’s like everything he does is wrong and he can’t get anything right.

He can’t stop replaying their last conversation over and over in his head.

“If two people don’t want the same things, then there really isn’t any place for them to grow.”

“I guess not…”

“Then why are we still doing this? Then why are we still doing this? Then why are we still doing this?”

“Damned if I know…”

His throat is tight and the whisky burns going down. He can’t help the tears that are forming in the corners of his eyes but he’ll be damned if he’s going to cry.

“Why did he even come back? He knows who I am… Did he really think he could change me?” His mind drifts to another conversation.

“That’s not who I am…”

“Don’t we all know it…?”

He’s still staring at the loft door, still wishing it would slide open: wishing he had just said something: anything that night Justin walked out. But he was too angry, angry that Justin couldn’t seem to read him anymore: angry that he wasn’t enough: angry that he was never going to be enough.

What did he want from me? Who did he see when he looked into my eyes? He closes his eyes and the next image that fills his mind is that of a young Justin swaying to an old ridiculously romantic song in a parking garage.

It was so simple then, those few moments with just the two of them. It was like the rest of the world had stopped and they were finally on the same page. It wasn’t hard for him to breathe and for once he could finally open himself up to the one person who truly loved him. That’s the only time he can say that he was totally happy and sure of himself, then it was all gone with the swing of a bat. He was so shaken to his core with the realization that it could be all over in a matter of moments. Yes, he’s angry that Justin can’t remember and he can’t help wondering what might have been.

He pours another drink and rolls a joint… pain management, it’s all he has left. He’s finally lost the two people that mean the most to him and he doesn’t know how to get them back. He’s restless and can’t stand being in the loft at this time of night. He’s so alone and everywhere he looks he sees remnants of Justin, of what could have been.

He’s drunk and he knows he shouldn’t drive, but he does anyway. It’s cold outside but he puts the top down on the corvette anyway, he likes the cool breeze blowing through his hair. He drives out on some country road, speeding at twice the speed limit, tempting danger, willing this feeling of despair to take him to another place. The road changes from blacktop to gravel and the car spins and sways out of control. He knows that he’s going to crash and he looks forward to finally ending all this pain. He doesn’t even try to brake or steer the car for control as it twists and rolls over and over and over.

And then it’s quiet and the only sound that he hears is his heart beating out of control and the blood seeping from his veins. His life flashes before his eyes in short segments - his father yelling and hitting him: his mother praying for him while cursing him for being an abomination: Michael pining for him, never understanding that he could never love him the way he wants. Then he sees Gus looking up at him as he holds him the night he was born and Justin and him dancing, practically floating around that ballroom with his beautiful smile, so open and inviting he feels loved for the first time in his life. He so desperately wants to hold on to that feeling but everything goes blank.

He awakes and he’s cold, so very cold and he doesn’t know where he is. He’s lying in tall grass looking up at the sky. He can’t move and everything feels surreal. He has no idea what time it is but it’s still dark and he’s frightened. He’s finally conscious that he’s hurt. He lifts his hand and sees blood everywhere but his mind flashes to a white silk scarf and him holding Justin as he waits for the ambulance. But there’s no ambulance coming for him as he lays waiting, taking his final breaths.

There are so many things he wants to do. So many things he needs to say. He lays there making lists in his mind of what he would do if he had another chance. Fuck no apologies, no regrets, he has so many… He would swallow his foolish pride. He’d finally stop running from love and go after Justin and tell him how he really feels even if it is too late and he still walks away. At least he would have told him and Justin wouldn’t have to always wonder…

His breathing is becoming rapid and he thinks he hears something rustling in the tall grass. He closes his eyes, imagining some wild animal coming to feast on his bloody carcass. He holds his breath as the sound gets closer until he sees a shadow standing over him. It’s a farmer from down the road, with a blanket who covers him up. He starts to panic as he feels the cotton covering his face and wonders if he’s really dead. This can’t be it. He has so many things he needs to do before he dies but then he’s calm as his mind drifts into oblivion.

He’s sweating profusely as he bolts straight up and looks around, the adrenaline still coursing through his veins and his breathing erratic. He tries to calm himself as he looks around the loft realizing that he passed out on the sofa. He still can’t shake the eerie feeling and he knows there’s only one thing he can do. 

Justin’s POV

It’s in the early morning hours that Justin has finally fallen asleep but he keeps having nightmares and can’t shake the ghostly feeling he has of Brian calling out to him. As he becomes more conscious he hears it again - a slight pinging. He finally sits up and stares at the window, listening, and then it starts again. Something is hitting the window and it sounds like hail; he stands and walks over to the window, looking out. He can’t help smiling as he looks down on Brian. It reminds him of when he lived with Debbie and Brian would sometimes come over in the middle of the night, waking him up by throwing pebbles against his window.

They both try not to make any noise as Brian creeps up the stairs to Justin’s room. Once inside neither one can keep their hands off each other; they kiss passionately, running their fingers through each other’s hair. Finally they pull back from each other and Justin asks, “What are you doing here?”

Brian looks at him and says, “I realize that there’s so much I need to say to you, so much I left unsaid.”

Justin just looks deeply into his hazel eyes searching for answers; he finally lowers his gaze to the bag Brian set down on the dresser. He notices it’s from his favorite bakery and looks back up at Brian with a puzzled expression. He takes the bags and looks inside seeing his favorite pastries - chocolate croissants, custard-filled doughnuts and apple fritters. Brian just smiles and says, “I was driving by and they had just opened, so I figured I’d bribe you with lattes and doughnuts.”

Justin hands Brian his coffee and takes a doughnut from the bag, moaning as he tastes the sweet cream filling. Brian leans in and licks the chocolate from the corner of his mouth. They sit on the bed and Brian starts out with, “I was so fucking scared. I had this dream and it seemed so real… I realized that I didn’t want to waste one more day without you. I’ve made so many mistakes, said so many things… I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you this bad. The thing is I really do love you”

His voice is just a whisper and he looks so frightened like he thinks Justin is going to reject him. Justin is slightly shocked. He never thought that he’d hear the Great Brian Kinney apologize, let alone admit that he loved him. Justin looks up at him, questioning his confession, wondering what he’s really trying to say.

Brian says, “I want you to come home. I want to try… I can’t promise that I won’t make mistakes, but I want to at least try before you give up on me totally.”

“Brian, are you sure? Because I don’t want you to do this unless you really mean it. I just can’t go back to the way things were. I need to know that you’re committed. That you’ll talk to me when you get stressed, that you won’t just put up your walls and close me off. I can’t live like that anymore. I need you to respect my feelings, not to flaunt all your tricks in front of me. To at least be considerate enough to show me the courtesy of not having to come home to you fucking some guy in our bed.”

Brian just looks down, shakes his head and says, “You know they never meant anything to me… It’s always been you, just you… I’ll never love anyone but you.”

Justin snickers and smiles, and then says, “Good, you’d better not…”

Brian smiles a little nervously as he reaches for Justin, pulling him closer by his tee shirt. They stare into each other’s eyes, reading each other’s thoughts. Justin runs his hand across Brian’s shoulder bringing his hand behind Brian’s neck as they kiss each other. At first it’s gentle but the passion grows as they duel for dominance with their tongues. Soon they’re moaning into each other’s mouths as Brian pushes them down onto the bed. They both struggle with each other’s clothes until they’re both naked and writhing, lying across the bed.

Brian fumbles with his pants pocket as he reaches for a condom and lube. Justin arches his back as Brian’s fingers work him open, and he soon penetrates him in one long smooth thrust. It’s isn’t long before they’re both panting as Brian drives deep into him, bringing them both to climax way too soon. But neither one of them could last long as they’re both overcome with emotion. Brian holds Justin close as he rides out the last of his orgasm. It takes them several moments to finally hear Michael screaming, “What the fuck is going on in here!”

They both look startled as Michael continues, “Get the fuck off him. What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

Bens finally appears next to Michael saying, “Calm down, Michael and give them some privacy.”

“The fuck I will! Get up! Get off him, he doesn’t love you anymore. It’s over! There’s no way his going to fall for your manipulations anymore, so get out of here, Brian. He’s through with you! He knows better than to believe that you care about anyone but yourself!”

Ben reaches out to try and pull Michael out of the room, but Michael’s having none of it. “I said, leave! Tell him, Justin, tell him! He means nothing to you anymore… say it…”

Justin just stares at Michael like he’s some kind of wild man with a completely puzzled look on his face; he finally finds his voice and tells Brian that maybe he should leave. Michael needs some time to calm down, otherwise he’s going to have a aneurism or a heart attack.

Brian slowly gets up and dresses. As he starts down the stairs he looks back over his shoulder at Michael, Justin and Ben. He wishes Justin would come with him; he can’t understand why he’s still just sitting on the bed, staring at Michael. He can’t understand why Michael’s freaking out. It’s not like Michael doesn’t know that he’s in love with Justin.

They hear the front door slam which startles them back into action. Michael starts again, “What’s wrong with you? How could let him in here knowing that he’s never really loved you. That you’ll always just be a trick to him. The only thing he loves is his dick. I can’t believe you would fall for all his bullshit again. He’s never going to love you the way you want him to. And how dare you bring him into my house knowing how we feel about each other now?”

Ben patiently asks. “And how is that, Michael? Because you’re acting like a jealous housewife, like Brian cheated on you.”

Michael stammers, “They’re not supposed to get back together. Justin is supposed to move on, finally letting Brian go. Brian was meant to come to me, need me. I’m the one he comes to. I’m to one he needs, the one he loves, not him.”

Ben frowns. “Really? Because I thought you were my husband?”

Michael looks confused and then he finally says, “Yeah, I know. I meant later… Brian always said that we’d be a couple of queens living together in Palm Springs, growing old. He tells me all the time that he loves me, always has, always will. I’m the one he loves, don’t you see? I’m the one he kisses without hesitating. I’m the only one he really wants.”

Ben’s had enough of this tirade and it isn’t until they hear the bathroom door slam and the water start that Michael even realizes that he’s gone. Justin is still staring, unable to comprehend what he’s just heard. Michael seems completely insane, his confession so unreal. He knows that Brian loves Michael like a brother and he also knows that Brian could never love Michael the way he loves him. He’s almost afraid to move, afraid that he’ll startle Michael and he might become violent.

Michael finally looks back at Justin and says, “I’ll start the coffee and bring the paper in. I know you want to start looking for a place of your own and you don’t have to worry about Brian, I’ll never tell him where you are. This way you can get a fresh start.”

Michael closes the door on the way out and Justin finally lets go of the breath he’s been holding. He’s slightly panicked as he starts throwing all his possessions into his duffel and messenger bags. He wants to leave here as soon as possible. He doesn’t want to be here alone with Michael, afraid of what he might be capable of. He fishes into his pants pocket and grabs his cell phone pressing #1 to call Brian; he asks him if he can come back and pick him up. Brian just chuckles and says, “I’m already here, down the block a couple of houses. So hurry up and get your sweet ass down here.”

Michael clamors around in the kitchen as Justin runs down the stairway and out the front door, unnoticed. He can’t wait to get away and he’s so relieved that Brian is already walking towards him, taking his bags out of his hands as Justin flings himself into Brian’s arms kissing his neck and face. He finally catches his breath, unaware that he’s been shaking with fear. He looks up into Brian’s eyes and says, “I’d like to take you up on your offer, if the offer still stands.”

Brian pulls him in close and tight, pressing his groin into Justin’s stomach, saying, “still stands,” as Justin feels his erection poking his belly. Justin grins from ear to ear as he leans into Brian, knowing that everything is going to be alright.