7wildwaysup | Bullies and Beasts (Reply)

Title: Bullies and Beasts…
Story Type: AU
Word Count: 858
Rating: G…
Warnings: None
Beta Queen: bigj52

Summary: Somewhere in time Ted reflects on his childhood fears…

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Bullies and Beasts

The inner turmoil of a gay soon-to-be parent…
I don’t think you can be a gay man and not have suffered all the high school drama, and daily terrorizing rituals… I guess it’s a gay man’s rite of passage.

These thoughts run through his mind as he contemplates fatherhood and his relationship with Blake. Some might say that these two were pretty poor specimens of good homosexual values, considering their past record.

Drug addiction, sex addiction, alcoholism, extreme insecurities, depression and low self-esteem, not to mention business failures, police records, and rehab. Did I miss anything? Maybe even a little neurotic and obsessive compulsive?

Prime candidates for foreign adoption, preferably third world countries.

~~~
You’ve known it since an early age, even before kindergarten. You’re different, you’re too young to even know what gay is. The other kids know it too, they sense it. Like in the jungle, it’s instinctual to maim the weak. Children can be the meanest creatures on the face of the earth. Any sign of weakness and they will circle for the kill every time. Is this really instinct or learned behavior? Will there one day be a time when another’s own insecurities won’t lead them to cruelty or violence?

Coping mechanisms develop very early, subconsciously, and thank God. Otherwise we would have all crawled back into the womb a long time ago, if at all possible. For many gay kids school was pure hell, and home was a place of salvation. Maybe still being at a young age, your parents didn’t hone in on your sexuality, not like the kids at school. You still had your inner sanctum, your private little world.

For Ted, he loved to read, getting lost in the stories and fantasizing about adventures in far-off lands. He read the classics from an early age, loved science, and math - numbers… a true nerd. He loved his private little world. Now compared to Brian, who had very similar experiences as a child, and some not so similar experiences, his coping mechanisms developed very differently. He, unlike Ted, found home to be pure hell and school, his place of salvation.

A place where he could excel and find positive reinforcement and encouragement, his teachers were always pushing him to surpass his last achievements. It was here that he learned what really mattered was success, growth, new experiences and to keep reaching for more. This is where he first found hope, subconsciously of course. Michael, on the other hand, didn’t really have anything to escape from. He already lived in a fantasy land and just never seem to have left high school. In some ways he was always the kid who hovered on the sidelines in oblivion.

He never really hung out much with anyone but Brian, most of the other kids just ignored him. He was always off reading comic books and talking about superheroes. While most other teenagers were leering after some hot stud, gay or straight, he was infatuated with Brian. Brian was oblivious.

Emmett, well, what can you say? His life experiences started developing the minute he was born in the deep South with a diamond tiara on his head. Like he once said, ‘everyone knew what I was the minute I was born, sugar’. He’s always been a proud homosexual, with the exception of that time he joined the ‘See the Light’ freaks. That’s what you get for bringing God into a gay thing. We’re all very proud of Mister Flamboyant, I’m sorry I mean Mrs. Drew Boyd. He’s still pushing the limits of fashion in both the straight and gay world, a little childhood bullying only brought out the feather boas in him.

While Justin seems like the most innocent of the group, he really did grow up in a slightly different world than everyone else in the group. Homosexuality was actually a subject that people talked about, not very well or very kindly, but at least they acknowledged it. No more whispers. They threw it in his face, and bashed him in the head. Yes, our little Sunshine was the bravest soldier of us all. It’s a fucking shame that no one ever gave him credit for it. He’s the one with the battle scars. He went up against his father, Hobbs, the school board, Hobbs again, and he was even arrested for protesting by his own father.

Then there was all the bullshit that Michael insisted on throwing in his face from the moment he saw the way Brian looked into Justin’s eyes. He saw that it was over, there would never be any possibility of a Mikey and Brian Kinney household. He also knew Brian very well and he knew Brian was hooked, harpooned, and snagged in the fishing nets of love.

Yes, Justin had the most real life, in-your-face experiences with homophobia. And he seems to have survived it. He still has the battle scars but they’re on the inside.
So why was Ted so fearful for a child who he had yet to become a father to? Why do the bullies of yesteryear still bring out the raging beast in him?

The End