7wildwaysup | MM.Com

Title: marriagematerial.com
Story Type: AU
Word Count: 1668
Rating: NC17
Warnings: Angst and Passion…

Summary: post 507 - Justin is living at his studio and dating… Brian is finally going to Ibiza… Daphne’s caught in the middle…

Chapter Summary: Daphne speaks her mind… Brian finally finds a few words to express himself… Justin gets a new perspective from other’s point of view…

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable charters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Chapter 2 – So Much Left Unsaid…

Justin’s POV

So why, why did you do it?

What? Not tell you, because I made a promise…

Daphne I don’t understand… how could you not tell me? Can’t you see I might have made different choices?

I guess that’s why… I wanted you to make a choice if that’s what you needed to do?

What I don’t understand?

I don’t either…

Listen Justin, are you listening to me? I just want you to listen to everything I’m going to say, really listen…

You always said that you knew you loved him… right from the beginning, said you were going to live with him. Once you made up your mind you went after what you wanted … and guess what you got it…

He came to the prom for you, as horrible as that was, he did what you wanted him to do. He made those rules with you… and he never broke them… ever, not that he would ever want you to know…

And you throw it all away… do you know how hard that was for him? To watch you leave with that greasy musician… you know you broke his heart right…

For someone who’s on to him, you should know that when he’s scared he lashes out… and then withdrawals, just like a little kid…

He let you go because he wanted you to be happy, just like now… Then you came back… do you know how hard it was for him to swallow his pride?

But he loved you and he was so happy, he was starting to think about… you know… but then… But then you went to California and he would never stand in your way.

He only wants what’s best you, you know… He really loves you… so I made him go and tell you…

He may claim not to do jealousy but, when he came back twenty four hours later he was devastated… you don’t see him when he’s hurting…

He can’t go to Michael, he wouldn’t understand, and he doesn’t have anyone else… So when he came to me after that jambalaya incident it just became our thing, I try and help him sometimes…

What I’m trying to say is he was hurt and angry about the “Connor James” encounter so he just lashing out when you came back, his confidence was shaken. He felt rejected, even if you never knew about it. He’s a complicated guy…

So then he treated you bad… and then you left again… and that, oh god Justin do you have any idea what that did to him?

When he found out about the cancer, he wanted to tell you, wanted you to go with him to the hospital and not act like a total asshole this time. But, you left him… before he could tell you.

Then he saw your posting on marriagematerial.com on Ted’s desk, and then this morning, finding out about you getting married… Oh Justin…

Oh Daphne… this is all my fault…

No, no baby… not all it’s partly mine… I should have told you right from the beginning, and I should have made you talk to him… and I shouldn’t have pushed you to join the marriagematerial.com…

Why did you do that?

For some reason I thought that if you went out with a bunch of guys, you’d see where you belonged, what you were throwing away. I never though you get engaged.

I’m not engaged…

Does Stuart know?

I’ve only gone out with him six or seven times…I’m going call him in a few minutes and really talk to him. Do you have a joint? I really need to wrap my head around all this…

Yeah, here you go… oh my god…

What is it?

I forgot I had them…

What?

Do you want to see them, your rings? She hands Justin the box and he slowly opens it.

Oh Daph… Their beautiful… They’re a platinum band with what at first appears to be a gold braided knot, but its not if you really look at it you see that is a row of gold shells reminiscent of Brian’s Bracelet.

Justin just smiles and puts on his ring and puts the box in his coat pocket and tells Daphne he has to go.

Brian’s POV

I’m just sitting in the loft trying to figure out what to do. There so much I want to tell him, so much he doesn’t understand. So much water under the bridge at this point does it even matter if he knows the truth? I hate to leave things like this… I’ve never been able to express my feeling I guess I should try at least once… so he starts to try and write a letter to Justin.

Justin’s POV

God why do people think they can control my life… I know I should have been more sensitive to Stuarts and my parent’s feelings but… If I’m marrying anyone it’s going to be Brian… let me rephrase that I’m going to marry Brian…

I check my email and notice that I have another profile sent from marriagematerial.com I already called them and canceled my membership a few hours ago I can’t believe there still sending men’s profiles. Who know there were so many gay men wanting to get married in Pittsburgh. I trying to delete it but the fucking software just won’t stop launching. Fuck. Stop. It was sent last night at three am. Well I guess I have to look at one more fucking profile, so I stop outside the loft doors to wait and delete it. Come on and load all ready… then it opens…

Name: Brian Kinney
Age: 35
Education: CarnageMellonBusinessSchool, B.A., M.B.A.
Occupation: President and CEO Kinnetics, President and CEO Babylon Entertainment

Interest: Brian enjoys all types of physical exercise from working out, lifting weights, running, swimming, racket ball, dancing and contact sports.

Desires: Brian’s looking for a virginal blonde young man to help fulfill and explore all his sexual desires and needs while also working towards a committed relationship; whom is also culinary creative and willing to develop a flare for fashion… Brian’s likes to cuddle after a long hard nights pounding into the mattress… Sometimes…

~~~~

Justin is all smiles he can’t believe that Brian registered at marriagematerial.com as he opens the loft door he remembers that this message was sent last night, before Brian found out about he’s non-engagement… Fuck this whole situation is spinning out of control…

He steps into the loft and finds Brian pasted out on the sofa and a letter written to him that’s fallen on the floor next to an empty bottle of beam…

Dear Justin,

I’m not really sure where to start. I think you know I love you, even if I’ve never said so. I’m sorry about that; I guess I always thought I’d have time.

I want you to know how proud I am of you. You have accomplished so much for someone so young, and I know one day you’re going become one of America’s Greatest Artist. I wish I could be there to see you accomplish that as well, but some things just aren’t meant to be.

I’m so glad I was able to be a part of your life even if I never showed it. And please don’t listen to all my mantras you must know by now that there all bullshit. You have always been the smartest person I know.

Never stop reaching Sunshine you deserve the best. There isn’t anything you can’t achieve if you put your mind to it. You are meant for greatness so please don’t disappointment me.

I hope one day you’ll be able to look back at these days fondly and know that you were loved. I never want you to think that anything that happened between us was ever your fault. It wasn’t Sunshine, it was all mine; I’m so sorry to have put you through all that. I’m a selfish bastard that didn’t deserve your love I really don’t know why you put up with me for so long.

I know I don’t have any right to ask any favors, but if you could, would you please check on Gus every now and then just to make sure his doing ok. I’ve setup a trust for him and you of course I want you both to always have everything you ever need.

I doubt he’ll even remember me. But if he should ask about me, please be honest. I want him to know the truth; I want him to know that I was a mean ruthless bastard, that never cared about anybody but myself I want you to make sure he’s nothing like me.

I always thought that I’d see you again, maybe its better this way. I’ve never been very good at saying good bye. You have no idea what I would give just to hold you one more time, to make love to you one more time. You know it was always special with you, I always felt a connection that was never there with anyone else, I always hoped you felt it too.

There so much more I always wanted to share with you but something are better off left unsaid. I know I always said that sorry is bullshit but there are so many things I would do differently if given the chance.

I hope one day you will be able to for give me for leaving without saying good bye to you. I guess we’ve already spent too much time saying good bye to each other.

Know I’ll never forget you Sunshine you were the only one I ever loved and I don’t regret a moment of it. Now I need you to go off and become the best homosexual you can possibly be.

Now stop crying, you r going to be a doctor’s wife…

I love Justin, I always have

Brian

TBC