Just Kiss Me; Ch 18 ~ Healing Kisses

[7wildwaysup]

Title: Healing Kisses…
Story Type: AU
Word Count: 2582
Warnings: Love, Passion, Romance, Angst, Anti-Michael…
Beta Queen: bigj52
Banner: predec2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: Brian and Justin’s journey of love…

Chapter Summary: Justin embraces his memories of the prom, helping release all their unspoken pain. Finally allowing them to acknowledge how deeply they love one another.

Just Kiss Me…

Chapter Eighteen ~ Healing Kisses

Justin’s mind is whirling as Brian’s words seep in through the foggy haze. So many revelations about Brian’s true feelings for him, and all his own guilt for not having realized them at the time. He’s not sure if he needs a shot of whiskey, another joint, or a cup of strong French roast. But he sure needs something as he comes to grips with his overwhelming emotions.

Brian loosens his embrace on Justin, sensing that he needs a little space. Grudgingly he lets him go. Justin’s now pacing in front of the windows, as his anger and frustration washes over him. Instinctively Brian pours them each a cup of coffee with a shot of Irish whiskey, then he sits down and rolls another joint.

“Justin. Please talk to me.”

“I… I don’t know what to say… I’m so angry right now! Angry at my mom for misleading me for so long. She’s never told me the truth about any of this. She’s the one I should have blamed for all my feelings of rejection and torment. All these years of me feeling inadequate, desperately needing to know if you loved me. Feeling like I was never important to you, like I could never be what you needed.”

“Justin, please. You can’t blame her for all of it. You know I’m to blame for a lot of your feelings of insecurity.”

“Don’t worry. I blame you too!”

“I’m sure you do…”

“Why? Why didn’t you just tell me? Why not just say something. I needed so desperately to know, to hear you say it.”

“I… I wasn’t sure I was what you needed.”

“Bullshit!”

“Justin. Please understand. I had been living in a drunken stupor. I knew what I needed, but everyone kept telling me I was no good for you. All my own negative feelings of self-doubt resurfaced. I grew up being told I wasn’t worth being loved. I may have put up a strong impenetrable shield, but that’s only because it hurt so much to constantly be reminded that I was worthless.”

“Brian. You know that’s not true. They’re the ones who didn’t deserve love or respect. I know you’ve never told me much about your childhood. Maybe someday when you’re comfortable talking about it, you will.”

“Yes. Of course. It’s just another thing to add to my long list of secrets to confess.”

“Brian. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know. I know, but it’s true. There’s so many things I’ve never told you, but I will I promise. I want to, just not right now. Let’s just try and get through this conversation first.”

“Alright. Of course you’re right. We need to get back on track.”

Brian walks over and wraps his arms around Justin, leaning his chin on his shoulder. They stand looking out the window as the raindrops roll down the glass.

“I guess it’s my turn to talk about that night…”

“I was still living with Deb and Vic at the time. One morning at breakfast I mentioned that I wasn’t going to my prom. Deb said something about it being one of those things, like a rite of passage, and that I’d regret it if I didn’t go. I told her that the prom was for straight kids, not for kids like me. Of course she goes off about how Michael didn’t go to his prom, and how he’s never stopped regretting it. That he still feels like he missed out on something.”

“I tried to object. I told her I wasn’t Michael, that I didn’t need validation from anyone. Besides, I’d grown to hate St. James Academy during my senior year, especially after the way they treated me about being gay. But the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to show them they were wrong. That I had a right to go, just as much as all the other kids. I wanted you to go with me. They needed to see that I wasn’t all that different from them, and that I deserved to be able to love whoever I wanted.”

“Then I turned you down.”

“Yeah. But by that time I already had my mind set on going, so I asked Daphne. We were only going to make an appearance, to let them know that they couldn’t bully us. That we were stronger than them.”

“Good for you. You’ve always been strong, standing up for what you believed in.”

“Emmett came over and helped me get dressed. I was actually getting excited. It was the first time I had ever worn a tux, and I looked good. Of course he had a purple bowtie picked out, just a little gesture to show my true colors.”

“That’s our Em…”

“When I came down the stairs everyone was waiting for me in the living room. My mom, Deb, Mel and Lindsay. They all gushed, telling me how handsome I was, and it felt good. I was actually happy that Daphne and I decided to go.”

“Of course it was boring once we got there. It was mostly kids we didn’t really care for, separated into they’re little cliques. But we didn’t care, we didn’t let them intimidate us. We sat with some of Daphne’s friends during dinner, and we danced together and as a group.”

“Then Daphne got this look on her face, and she practically squealed. I turned and looked, and there you were walking towards me. You looked so beautiful, and I couldn’t believe you were there. Excitement surged through me. I was so happy you came.”

“God, you looked so handsome, and I had butterflies in my stomach. Then you reached out and took my hand, leading me out to the dance floor. By that time we had caught everyone’s attention, and I was so proud to be there with you.”

“You held me close, and my heart was beating so fast I thought it might explode. I’ve never been so happy in my whole life.”

“I felt like we were the only people in the world, glowing under the spotlight.”

“We were in our own little bubble, and nothing else mattered. It was just the two of us.”

“You dipped me, holding me tightly in your arms and I felt so safe, so alive.”

“All the love I felt for you was surging through my veins, and I knew you loved me too. Life was perfect right at that moment.”

“It was perfect for me too. I was so happy, and so in love with you. I couldn’t believe I finally got it right.”

Just then Brian’s face clouds over and he looks away…

“Brian. No one can ever take that away from us. I remember now, and no matter what happened later that night, it doesn’t change what we had at that moment in time. I’ll always cherish it. It means everything to me.”

“Justin…”

“You have to let go of the pain, and hold on to the love. Otherwise they win. It’s just like you always told me. Brian, please don’t let them win.”

Justin reaches out and turns Brian’s head until they’re looking into each other’s eyes.

“I’m right here. We’re together. We’re in love. We’re married. We’re stronger than the past. We made it, and we have the rest of our lives to share with one another.”

Justin crashes his lips into Brian’s, and soon they’re pulling at each other’s clothes, their need for one another overwhelming them. Brian stands, pulling Justin up with him. He takes him in his arms and carries him up the stairs and lays him on the bed.

Brian divests them both of their clothes, then he starts at Justin’s ankles, running kisses up the inside of his legs. Alternating legs as he goes, he continues up his thighs to his groin. Then he lifts Justin’s legs over his head and licks his way to Justin’s pucker, kissing, licking, and tonguing him open.

Justin’s panting with desire, as he moans uncontrollably. His need for Brian is stronger than ever. After such an emotional morning they both need this connection. Brian gently suckles his balls, rotating them in his mouth, making Justin whimper and cry. He then licks his way along the length of his cock, circling around his crown before breaking his contact, releasing Justin.

He reaches for the lube, only to find that Justin is already placing it in his hand. Squirting a dollop onto his fingers he reaches back, mixing it with his saliva, leaving a slick coating on Justin’s rosebud. Another squirt of gel and he’s covered his dick. Aligning himself, he pushes into his impatient husband.

Brian hovers above Justin looking into his deep blue eyes, then he leans down and captures his lips. Justin’s legs circle his waist and soon their bodies are moving together, swaying in sync as they slide back and forth. Justin arches his back, allowing Brian to delve deeper into his tight channel. He closes his eyes as ripples of pleasure start pulsating through his limbs. Brian loves watching Justin as he’s overcome with need and desire. Soon their familiar dance is pulling them both closer to their climax. Brian increases his thrusts as he slightly changes his angle and pounds Justin’s prostate until his body is quaking, and his cock is spurting.

They hold each other close as their bodies tremble, riding out the last waves of pleasure. Brian whispers, “I love you, Sunshine. So much more than I even know how to express.”

“I know you do. Just so you know, I do too.”

Brian nuzzles his head in the crook of Justin’s neck, as Justin runs his hand down Brian’s back, rubbing circles, relaxing him. It’s been a very emotional morning for both of them, but it’s also been a very enlightening morning. For the first time they’re really talking about their relationship, and how deeply they love one another. They’re both exhausted as they drift off to sleep, taking a much-needed nap.

~~~

Brian wakes to his beeper going off and is jolted out of bed. His beeper is only for emergencies, so he immediately thinks something’s wrong with Gus. He jumps out of bed and grabs it, trying not to panic.

“What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong is Dandy Lube has had enough of Vanguard and is jumping ship. They wants us to design a new ad campaign and have it ready by the fifteenth. They’ve already committed to roll out their new advertising in print and commercials.”

“Christ, Ted, that’s one week from now.”

“I know!”

Brian runs his hand through his hair for a moment, thinking.

“Well, fuck them! If they can’t make up their mind, they can wait in line until we can fit them in.”

“Brian. Do you think that’s wise?”

“First they go with Kinnetik, then they go back to Vanguard, and now they expect us to drop everything because Vanguard’s campaign is for shit!”

“I know, Brian, but they’ve expanded to the West coast. This would be a national campaign. Big money.”

Irritated, Brian asks, “When do they want to meet?”

“The CEO’s son is in the conference room waiting for you now.”

“Well, take him to lunch, and wherever else you little heart desires. If I remember correctly you were quite smitten with the son of Dandy Lube.”

“Brian…”

“What? You need to get laid, it’s been awhile. And get the art department working on a basic layout with the logo, and we’ll add the details after the meeting.”

“Okay, Boss…”

“Ted. Remember, this is just a preliminary meeting, then we’re going to New York. So they’ll have to understand that we can’t meet with them again until next week, and they better love the new campaign, because we’ll only have a few days to make changes.”

“Okay, Boss. So you’ll be in the office by two?”

Brian huffs, “Yes!”

“Brian. What’s going on?”

“I have to go into the office, but only for an hour.”

“I guess I’ll make lunch while you shower.”

By the time Brian’s out of the shower, Justin’s finished making BLTs and an orange and cucumber salad.

“Bacon, Justin?”

“You bought it. Besides, I know you love BLTs.”

“Okay, but what’s this salad?”

“Try it, you’ll like it. It’s just cucumber slices and orange sections, with lemon juice and salt n’ pepper. It’s really good.”

Brian’s surprised that he actually likes it. It’s crunchy, sweet and tart.

“Don’t you need to go pick Gus up?”

“No. He’s on a field trip today.”

“What kind of field trip does a preschool class go on?”

“They’re going to the Build-A-Bear factory. The kids can design their own stuffed animals, and it’s not just teddy bears. They can make almost any kind of stuffed animal they want. I was going to volunteer to chaperone the class, but Lindsay wanted to go. She thought it would be nice for her and Gus to spend some quality time together.”

“Good. I think so too.”

Once Brian leaves for the office Justin sits and reflects on everything they’ve talked about. He still can’t believe that he was so blind to Brian’s feelings. He feels like a fool. If he had only known he would have done things so much differently. The whole Ethan fiasco might never have happened, and probably the Vermont thing as well. He wouldn’t have felt so insecure. He may still have had memory problems and not be able to read Brian the way he used to, but he’d have known that they were solid. He wouldn’t have let others cloud his judgment and perception.

Someone knocks on the loft door, and he answers it.

“Mom!”

“Hi, honey. I tried you at the house, then I remembered that you had Gus in the afternoons.”

“Not today. He’s on a field trip.”

“Well, I just wanted to catch you before you left for New York.”

“I’m actually glad you stopped by. I want to talk with you too.”

“Justin, since you’re going to be in Manhattan, I was thinking you could stop by and visit your Grandma.”

“Mom!”

“I’m sure she’d like to meet Brian.”

“Mom. Brian’s going to be busy at the advertising conference.”

“Then that would be a perfect time to visit her. She hasn’t seen you in a few years, and I know she’d love to see you.”

“Mom. She lives in Asbury Park.”

“It’s only sixty miles. It will be nice to drive down the coast to see all the sights.”

“Mom!”

“Justin, she’s getting up there in age, and she doesn’t get that many visitors. Besides, I already told her you were going to be in New York.”

“You what?”

“Justin. She’s your Grandmother. She’s in her sixties, and you don’t know how many opportunities you have left before…”

“Really, Mom? You’re going to play the guilt card?”

“Well, if you don’t want to see her, I’ll just call and tell her…”

“Okay! Fine! Fine! I’ll go one afternoon while Brian’s at the conference!”

“Thanks. I knew you’d end up seeing it my way. Well I really need to be going. Call me from Grandma’s house while you’re there.”

“Wait! Not so fast! I need to ask you something.”

“What is it, honey? You look upset.”

Justin takes a deep breath. He hadn’t thought he’d be having this conversation today, but there’s no time like the present. And it will give them both time to calm down while he’s in New York.

TBC…

Comments

[guavejuice.livejournal.com]

With all my love to QaF I still to this day wonder why both Brian and Justin never talked to each other more openly about those all important moments in their life where they were really there for each other such as the way Brian bought Justin's first drawing at the GLC, the way Justin saved the day during the Kip Thomas arc and above all of course the way Brian literally saved Justin's life after the bushing AND was there every night with him at the hospital. I do wonder why Jennifer never told Justin about it because SHE knew about it and obviously realized that Brian cares for Justin and that he means a lot to him.
OTOH those gaps in the storylines are the gift that keeps on giving for any QaF and B/J fan let alone any B/J fic writer, right?
I love the you take B/J through this ongoing journey of love darling. It's so understated yet powerful and so beautifully written. Great job indeed darling.
Oh and I do apologize I didn't comment on previous chapters btw :)
HUGS
V.

[7wildwaysup.livejournal.com]

In some ways it's irritating that Cowlip brought up big issues, and then slimmed over them, and then they just moved on. But like you said, it gives us fanfic writers so many places to explore.

I just hope I do the characters justice as I delve into the past trying to resolve some of this issues...

Thanks so much for your comments and support. I love all the feedback...

Hugs Sweetheart ~ Kathleen

[rulisteningbj.livejournal.com]

This was so beautifully written and with the pics in between it was fantastic. I hate the way Jennifer strong armed Justin into going to see his grandmother. Can't wait to see how he is going to handle the conversation with her about not telling him all this time about Brian being at the hospital. You are doing a wonderful job filling in all the parts they failed to resolve in the series. Thanks!

Dee Dee

[7wildwaysup.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much Dee Dee, I'm so happy your enjoying this fic...

Yes, it won't be easy for either of them. But it's so essential for Justin to be able to understand why things happen the way they did so he can move on...

Hugs Darling ~ Kathleen

Two months until Toronto!!! Squeals!!! 💫💫💫

[blossomlegs.livejournal.com]

This is so Beautiful and Angst. So much left open and never talked about and still clinging on to both of them. Don't like Jennifer pushing Justin in visiting his Grandmother, she should have left it up to Justin. Can't wait to see Justin confront his mother regarding his time in the hospital , knowing Brian was there every night.
Fantastic verse, love the updates, thanks for sharing!
JoAnn

[7wildwaysup.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much! Justin needs to confront Jennifer about deceiving him in the past, when he needs Brian so desperately... They could have avoided so much pain and agony over the years...

Thankfully Brian's finally opening up, allowing himself to confront his fears, and give Justin the reassurance he's needed for so long...

Hugs Sweetheart ~ Kathleen

[hikinggirl70.livejournal.com]

That was terrific!